faith

today i saw a big banner that said faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the entire staircase...i guess this is where i am right now, at the bottom rung...going up i hope, but not sure how high the staircase goes. going through life alone is probably not the absolute worst thing in the world as many people do this everyday, sometimes all their life, and sometimes by choice. i have a friend who has absolutely no family in the entire world, and goes through life alone. how do they do it? how do they manage to be happy and secure and joyful? how do they manage to have faith in the unknown?

i know i am not alone, as i am surrounded by family and friends everywhere.
but having known what it's like to have somebody to love and who loves me, i don't know if i can make it any other way....perhaps i am feeling too much self pity and only feeling sorry for myself. perhaps i should listen to the voices within me that say don't feel so sad, you are free to do whatever you want to do...but i don't even know what that means...

a few weeks ago i asked a friend what do women do when they are alone? she just smiled and said you create joy wherever you are with whoever you are inside...i hope one day i can understand what she means and maybe even learn how to do that....