a little tired

i guess i am reaching a point of overload. it's just that i'm dealing with a lot. i got school and homework that won't go away. i got work that won't go away. and of course, caring for matthew is something i wouldn't trade for anything. it's funny that even though i am halftime at work, my load hasnt really reduced. i just basically do all my in person meetings in the mornings, sign away paperwork and by the time i finish with that, it's time to go, only to continue working from home answering emails, finishing budgets, corresponding with staff on assignments, planning summer programs, putting out fires.

i can't help but feel a sense of guilt when i'm sitting here doing work budgets while my husband sits in the living room watching tv, unable to sit for long or lay down for long periods of time. i don't know if i am really being helpful. i give him massages, fix his meals, dress him, clean the house, drive him, watch tv with him. i feel like i need to do even more but not sure what. and this within the context of me finishing work stuff and doing school homework. how did i manage when i was working 8 hours a day? unbelievable. there is never enough hours in the day for me.

everyone has been great though - amen brought some soup the other day, my sister dropped off some noodles today. His good friend Charlie brought some greens which he ate for lunch today. it gave him enough energy to get up after a nap to visit Margie and to go to the hall, and we were out for about a couple of hours. it was so great to laugh and sit with Charlie, Marvin, and the guys. I could tell he enjoyed himself. but then we get home and he is just so tired, he hardly ate anything except his meds and a small slice of lasagna. it's like his entire energy for the day was expended in those two hours out and about.

dear God, i hope i am doing all that i am supposed to...i wish i knew all the right things all the time...i ask your blessing as we go through our days together...