i'll walk with you

my sister had a dream about matthew last night. it goes like this - matthew is looking well, gained a little weight, looks a little younger, and was writing on a piece of paper for my sister pinky - she asked him how much he loves his wife and he responds but she cant remember what he said. in her dream, he looked well, but having trouble moving his arm. his was at my sister's house. somehow i appear in the background and i say, "I think I'm gonna go take a walk." and Matthew responds, "I'll walk with you."
This may not be a big deal to anyone else but it's a big deal to me. just this last saturday a speaker i heard in our retreat said that compassion means you would "walk with someone". then last week I got a card for Jamila that said God walks beside you.... I believe it is a sign from Matthew that he is here with me, walking with me, and watching over me. i truly believe that.

today is a rough day. it's been two weeks. this may sound crazy but i called his cell phone just to hear his voice on the answering machine. 'Hi this is matt..." I wish i could talk to him. i miss him so much.

i gave his beloved motorcycle to his son yesterday. i gave his ring to Mandela last week. today I am wearing his gold necklace.

reading the last few entries brings back so much memories. how could i not have known those were the last days of his life? i guess there was no way to know.