one day at a time

Feb 12 2008
Tuesday night

I lost my husband today at 7:33 pm.
He passed away as Jackie and I were changing him.
It was so sudden, I was stunned that it could happen today.
Even with all the preparation, I never expected it to be today.
Before he passed away, he labored a little with his breathing.
I thought he was getting ready to cry.
I don’t remember exactly what I said but I told him that I love him.
I told him that we will be ok.
I told him that he will be ok.
That we will take care of him.
Everything will be ok.

We went about our task and by the time we were done,
We realized he had stopped breathing.
I waited for him to start back breathing.
I listened for a heartbeat and instead I heard my own heart.
He had slipped away without me noticing.

My heart is breaking.
My soul is breaking.
But I will be ok.
I talked to him so many times in his last days.
I think he heard me.

He had suffered so much.
Liver disease is a vicious disease.
He had been clean and sober 25 years and 7 months.
I am who I am today because of him.
I am where I am today because of him.

I will grieve one day at a time.