trying

we laid my husband to rest last saturday. it was a joyful occasion as we celebrated matthew's life. we wanted to celebrate his life, and not let death take over. it was difficult though to realize that he is gone. my hubby is gone and i am all alone. i know that i am loved by so many people - matthew's friends are my friends. but it's just not the same having my honey here with me. i was reading my prior posts and i remember how he tried to give me a big sloppy kiss while i was helping him stand. i will never have that back again.

i am trying to make it one day at a time. the kids are hanging in there. jamila talks all the time about her grief and feelings, mandela is silent and quietly grieves. i wish he would talk to me. i need him too.

a part of me is very much in disbelief that he is gone. i miss him so much. he's too young, only 60. it wasn't supposed to be this way...